Now here i am sitting in the dark corner of this bar feeling how the blood gushes out of my wound into my shirt, contemplating my life go by but it seems awfully boring the flashbacks are invading my eyes and all i can see clearly is the past days. The pain is so harsh i can barely breath without dragging attention to my self, I will numb the feeling with some whiskey i believe a bottle will do the job, But let me tell you how i got here in the first place. I was on the job, I had a special case near the Santa Monica pier, that had been my routine for quite a bit of time already. But this day was a little different than the rest of the year or anything i had done,
It was November 2nd Dia de los Muertos I believe it's a Hispanic celebration honoring the death, and for what i saw it is a really big deal,there was hundreds of people but even in the giant crowd one single person caught my attention, she was a tall ,light skinned, with beautiful big brown eyes, and a little birthmark below her right eye. She looked simply stunning and i wanted to know her. Unluckily for me i had to leave i had received a call, the person I was looking for had been seen by one of my former colleague from when i was working for the police department. I had to leave Mario De La Fuente was more important than me finding what some people call love.
I went to check that information on Mario De La Fuente but it seemed useless I decided to call it a day and I went home, For some reason it felt lonelier that day, i felt the walls closing up on me, every step i took it seemed like the room was getting smaller and smaller, I light one of my special cigars and saw the smoke dissipate in front of my eyes, as i sipped some whiskey it was the perfect combination but not today, there was still something in my mind it was her, that beautiful women i knew nothing about. I went to sleep because i had to wake up early I needed to know where was Mario De La Fuente and fast there was a lot of trouble going on and Mario had something to do with it i had been investigating him for a couple of months now he was the head of a Cartel well known for their crimes committed against people that had done them wrong. As usual i went to the Pier to see if i could catch an eye on Mario, but today just wasn't going to be the day apparently. I was getting ready to get up and leave then suddenly the women that had driven me crazy in love sat in my table, You mind if I take a seat?, She said. No of course not i replied.
I felt like a child waking up in Christmas getting the exact present he had asked for all year long. she was even prettier up close, the red lipstick that marked her lips reminded me of blood but in a good way it reminded me of every time i had killed someone who tried to shoot at me and missed it was a certain sensation that i can not possibly describe.Whats your name beautiful?. Sofia she said. i had never seen perfection before, but i had now and Sofia was her name. i was so caught up with Sofia, Until i heard a shot somebody had been shot and there was already a crowd forming around the unfortunate bastard. I ran as fast as i could towards the crowd i saw the man lying there on the ground life less in a pool of his own blood, i took his wallet out to identify him but i knew who he was, he was my rat Alejandro Villareal , Mario's Right hand man, that could just mean he had done something wrong or they found out he had talked to detective (me) maybe and they decided to let him off easy compared to others. I left the scene he was none of my business. i headed towards my car and i saw Her again there was Sofia waiting for me. She asked for a ride I said yes and took her home, before leaving the car she smirked and said, How does 8 o clock sound, i was shocked for a second I wasn't sure what she meant by 8 o Clock. Dinner silly you will pick me up at 8 and we will have a wonderful evening and then she kissed me. Well Yes that sounds amazing at 8 it will be.
I went home got ready i felt so childish because i had not been in a date in forever. i went picked up a dozen roses and headed to her house. I rang the door bell to my surprise it wasn't Sofia who opened the door, It was Mario i was confused, i had been played and now i was in danger, he knew i had been after him for quite a long time and now he was going to get me. I pulled out my gun but he took the first shot it missed luckily for me his gun got stuck it gave me a couple of seconds to run to my car, He was the head of a cartel he didn't just carry one gun he took out a 9 mm a took several shots at me two hit me but I still drove off he followed me, I lost him and I went into this bar I ordered a bottle of whiskey I'm sure he will be here in no time, I can barely keep my eyes open everything seems to begetting darker, I just heard loud noise now my chest feels warm and really heavy, my blood seems like water it's all over me I guess this is how it all had to end all because of a women Sofia was the name of perfection But also the name of my trap and the cause of my death.
hi sonia the story line is good i really like how story flows from end to end. in regards to keeping it in line with film noir you have all the major elements. you have a great femme fatale, and the man who fallas in love with her has a deadly incounter at the end. your description of one time and place was also very nice. over all a good story for the amount of words that we were allowed to have.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. I agree with Frank. You made it flow very well and had all the Film Noir elements. The details you used to describe the Femme Fatale were great. From her light skin to her birth mark under her eye. She sounds like a great femme fatale. I really like how you started your story with the end, showing him in the bar already hurt. I would be really interested to see what you could do if you could use more words than you were limited too.
ReplyDeleteYour story was nicely written, had all the elements of film noir and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDelete